My lover, my life...

aubrey | seventeen | boyfriend | -041710
Questions here.

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If I’m supposed to save you, 

who’s going to save me? Your days are bad, and your problems are real, and I am here for you through anything; but I’ve been sad for days, and I’ve been crying constantly. Who’s supposed to make me feel better?

I can’t function anymore. 

I’m so furious with myself. I’ve lost my appetite. I’ve lost my smile. I get chills all the time because my heart feels so heavy. I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid. My pathetic life is so stupid.

My heart drops when you say those things. 

I wish you wouldn’t talk about it, but I know that’s like asking you not to breathe.

I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. I’m not angry. Not at all.

I weigh almost 130 pounds.. 

I was so upset this morning.
I was putting on my make-up, and I had my shirt off,
and my belly was trying to roll over my underwear,
and the skin under my bra was adding an extra roll
to the three I already have.
It was so upsetting to see.
I wore sweatpants and a sweatshirt so that nobody
could see my body, and I haven’t taken it off,
even since I’ve been home.
My boyfriend keeps asking why I’m upset, but I can’t tell him.
I hate when people think I’m seeking attention.
If I told him I feel a bit fat,
he would disagree and probably think I’m fishing for
compliments.
So this is my relief,
venting my feelings on the internet.
Ugh ):